The Death You’re Dying Right Now

Let’s talk about the real thing that’s happening right now…
For me, for you, for so many folks that I’ve been in contact with lately.
Maybe it’s the stars, the moon, or the season… who knows, but I know that it’s definitely happening.

Death portals – what happens when something dies? Something huge, something that was a part of your identity?

I’m experiencing a massive death.
It’s terrifying.

I know many of you are as well.

I wonder if it will consume my whole life.
Will my primary relationship die?
Will I die?

It’s not clear yet, everything is still swirling. So much so that since Monday night I feel dizzy all the time.

My business-child is dying. I’m killing her.
Well, let’s be clear: She’s been dying for several months and expressing it in several ways. I’ve been pouring my energy into her keep her going for these 11 months, but now I’m not.
Now I’m mercy killing her. Releasing her to return to the All That Is.

She’s been my whole life for so long. In fact, part of this is that I’m also walking away from my identity as a veterinarian.
That will always be a part of me, but I’m stepping away from that being my primary expression of who I am in public life.

I don’t know what comes next.

This is part of our terror of death. What happens next? We don’t know.
Just like if you remembered being in the womb and understood that birth and an absolutely complete shift of your experience was about to come in ways that you could not understand yet.

I’m surrounded by death all the time. That’s what it is to be a DeathWife. I’m married to Death. I live with Death.

It’s a bit different than dying myself. Even when I walk close family members through death, as I did recently when my dear familiar Pippi Fluffstocking died and I had the opportunity to walk her through her dying and walk my partner (and myself) through the process as well.

This isn’t just someone near me dying, this is my own death. It’s been a long time since I’ve passed through a self-death portal… and this might be the biggest one yet.

I referred to these paths and practices in my previous post about suicide. In the months leading up to this death I’ve had intense suicidal ideation.
I want to live though… and I will.

But in order to live, in order to really live, I have to kill the things that are hanging out in and around me that are not me. They have to leave, and if they can’t or won’t, they must be killed.

I can’t tell you what the result is yet. I’m not there. We’re still in the death moments.
I’m still holding her like my baby and releasing body wracking sobs. She’s still very warm in my arms.

Maybe you are as well. Things are dying or have just died. Everything is still dark in this void space so close to Death. All the light and joy seems to be sucked out of your life as you walk in this liminal space. This space between spaces.

What I know as a DeathWalker, deep in my bones, is that there is another thing coming.
It’s very hard for me to face this, and this is what I do in my life. It would be impossible without the support I have around me.

If you find yourself in this space of who you are, who you have been, dying, or you know that such a death is on the horizon, I am available to support just a very small number of people who are passing through or want to walk the path of death and rebirth but are terrified to trigger it on your own.

Visit the application page to get started on your journey, or drop me a note if you have questions.